While I couldn't bring myself to go see Megan it would bother me if she didn't call when I expected her to call. I tried to tell myself that I was disappointed if Megan didn't call Kate but part of me knew that I wanted to talk to her too.I just couldn't make myself move on. So, in November I went to see a psychologist and for the next two and half months he frustrated the hell out of me. I went to Dr. Snyder hoping he would tell me what I needed to do to get on with my life. Instead of giving me answers he just gave me questions, often the same questions over and over.My last session with Dr. Snyder was mid-January."Warren, how are you feeling today?" Same as always." What would you like to talk about today?" Dr. Snyder said."I want to know what I should do to make myself feel better," I said."What do you want to feel better about?" The same thing as always. The breakup of my marriage," I said."Have you filed for a divorce yet?" You know that I haven't. Why do you keep asking that. Still, Madeleine loved being here--loved it enough to be pulling her Toyota SUV into the parking lot adjacent at zero dark thirty, loved it enough to bow her head to the hard winter Seattle rain and unload her gear in the sopping unfailing cold, hauling all 140 pounds towards the low-slung building that served as a meeting and conference centre at the site. Reaching the door, signed helpfully with “NO BUNKER GEAR INSIDE FACILITY”, she scanned her badge and pushed on the crash bar with her right hip. The door gave way rather quickly, though, and instead of stepping into an empty hallway, she fell quite without any grace into the body of another human being. “Mads!” The joyous greeting, rather like that of an overly excited Golden Retriever, came from City firefighter/paramedic and Maddie's current co-instructor, Jeff. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Jeff. I didn’t see your truck. You okay?” She put the gear bags on the floor and hugged him as always, kissing his left cheek. He didn’t usually.
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